Weekend Challenge #19: 5 Things You Have to Stop to be a Better Human (& LIFE Council member)

Weekend challenges are normally focused on what to do but this one is to tell you what not to do. Because I’m trying to be a good little blogger, I’m even going to put the ideas into a nice list for more user-friendliness. Here are the five things you must stop, to be a true member of the Brothers LIFE Council or any group that matters to you.

1. Negative self-talk

How you talk to yourself, and about yourself, matters. Andy Frisella said in a recent podcast that he can learn a lot about anyone he meets by listening for how they describe themselves or their lives. Things like, “can’t”, “won’t”, “couldn’t”, and “no”, are the things people have been telling you to stop saying since you were a kid. We all had that coach who loved to quote Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

But here are some other lies that I find myself and other people telling themselves way too much:

1. “I’m too old/young” – Seriously? You need to go find people who are crushing it and take note of how old they are. Your age doesn’t matter to your success or ability to help others. My grandpa walked miles every day right up to when he died in his 80’s but you’re too old to start working out at 40? Come on.
2. “I’m not lucky”– Luck is given way too much credit. Saying that someone else is doing well because they’re lucky is an easy way to make ourselves feel better but it doesn’t add up. People are blessed for sure – I was blessed with crazy amounts of privilege but getting my Ph.D. or having a good marriage isn’t lucky. They are things I worked hard for every day and continue to fight for.
3. “I am injury prone” – This one is pretty specific to fitness but it’s close to my heart because it is why I avoided competition for 10 years. I used this negative self-talk to stay out of any situation that would push me in my fitness for a decade. Stop it.
4. “I don’t have that skill” – Me either. Neither did any of your idols when they started out. You don’t need a perfect skill today. You just need to start and learn as you go. Every piece I write, I become a better writer. Every workout I do, I learn more about what works. Start and learn. Stop telling yourself you don’t know enough to get going.

If you want to be someone others value in their lives, start putting value into yourself.

If you want to be someone others value in their lives, start putting value into yourself. Even reading this shows that you have a lot to offer the world and a LIFE Council. Stop telling yourself you don’t have what it takes and nothing to offer. You do have it and you owe it to your council to give it.

2. Consuming Your Bias

Do you love pizza? I do too. Since you love it, do you only eat pizza? Nope. So then why do you only consume information that you already love to hear? The phenomenon of confirmation bias is the tendency we have as lazy-brained humans to interpret new evidence as confirmation of what we already believe. Not sure this happens? Turn on the news right now and you’ll see it everywhere.  If you watch conservative Fox News or read the left-sided New York Times and they are all you take in to understand current affairs, you’re living confirmation bias (in fact you’re letting other people filter your bias before it even gets to you). If you believe in “the grind” and listen exclusively to podcasts from motivational hype men without thinking about balance in life or finding time for stillness, you’re missing it too. If you’re a white guy and every author on your shelf is a fellow white guy, you have some work to do.

There is zero downside to consuming things that make you think (other than you might have to admit you were wrong…)

If you want to be a meaningful LIFE Council member, you must see the multiple sides to everything. As Mark Manson advised recently, “seek out people, books, or ideas that contradict your current beliefs”. You’ll expand your thinking and bring more value to those around you. There is zero downside to consuming things that make you think (other than you might have to admit you were wrong…and you\’ll be less of a lazy koala)

3. Comparing with Pride

Pride will destroy a LIFE Council or a family. Pride is most present when we compare ourselves to other people. If you look at others and see how you are better than them, you are comparing with pride—protecting your pride by looking down your nose. The power of a LIFE Council is that you shouldn’t be the best person in everything. If you want to grow, build your Council with men who are stronger, smarter, humbler, more successful, and better looking than you (maybe there can be some osmosis there?). Learn all that you can from them, but you better stop comparing yourself to them with your pride on the line because pride stops all learning and growth. As Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Don’t fall.

4. Playing to Win People

I’d bet you can count on 50% of people not liking you or your message when you put it out there. Can you handle that? Does it bother you personally when people don’t like you? You have to get over that to be in a LIFE Council. If how others feel about you guide your actions, you are never going to act. Instead, play to win the game that you’ve chosen to play, and people will be drawn to your authenticity. If you have decided your purpose in life is to sail around the world, you have to sail with all you’ve got and let those flat-Earthers hate from the sideline – we don’t have time for them!

To be a meaningful LIFE Council member, you can’t be a people pleaser. There will be times you have to hold each other accountable and you can only do that from firm principles not wish-washy “let me tell you what you want to hear” stances.

5. Settling for Comfort

We live in the most comfortable time in history. Right now, its 90 degrees outside but in my office, it’s a sweet 71 – thanks air conditioning! If I get hungry, I drive two minutes to the store and can have whatever I want. Even in a pandemic, our “struggle” has been having to be around the people we love all day. Now, this isn’t the case for everyone, and many people face true hardship every single day. But unlike a century ago when our grandparents survived a depression and fought the Nazis, true hardship on a regular basis is an exception, not a rule, for most of us. We need to remember how much we are capable of and push ourselves out of that comfort zone as much as possible.

I try to do at least one thing every day that makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes that’s choosing to run when it snows, others it’s an extra rep with the squat bar, it can be reading an article from someone I don’t agree with, or if all else fails, I take a cold shower nearly every day (Wim Hof shoutout!). It’s not because I’m awesome, it’s symbolic of knowing that even when things aren’t perfect, we can still do amazing things. To contribute to the lives of others, you have to be able to step into the hard moments with them and if you’ve only ever been comfortable, you’ll hide from that instead of embrace it.

To contribute to the lives of others, you have to be able to step into the hard moments with them and if you’ve only ever been comfortable, you’ll hide from that instead of embrace it.

There it is. Five things to stop doing right now if you want to be a better human and by extension, a better LIFE Council member. Once you can stop lying to yourself, consuming what you already believe, comparing yourself to everyone else, playing to please everyone, and settling for what makes you comfortable, you can grow. Until then, it will be tough going.

Weekend Challenge

This seems obvious but this weekend, pick one of these 5 things and…wait for it…stop doing it! For me, this weekend, I am going to refuse to talk to myself in any negative way. It’s a huge problem in my life and I want to end it. This also means that I’m not going to let others around me get away with comments of negativity either. Don’t come at me this weekend with a “you’re just so lucky” or “you’re not that young anymore”. I don’t want it. I don’t need it.

What will it be for you?

Let us know what you choose and how you live it out this weekend by replying to any of my posts on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter with this blog. Better yet, subscribe to receive the blogs and leave some comments.