What does it mean if people like you? Or, I guess the real question is, what about you would make people like you? I think all the LIFE principles make you more likable, but I might argue maintaining integrity is the pinnacle of the four to make you more likable.
If you’ve ever had that friend who seems to lack integrity, you know what I mean because chances are, they aren’t your friend anymore. The quickest route to being disliked is to lack integrity. To steal, cheat, lie, gossip, and degrade. Do any of those make you think, “wow I wish I could hang out with a person like that more?” Nope.
But maintaining integrity can be tricky. It can be personal as ethics are often subjective. And our definition of “what you do when no one is watching” leaves much to shrug our shoulders at. Something that has stuck with me since the first time I read it and made integrity much easier to operationalize is the world’s easiest way to be more liked. Ready for the secret? Are you sure? Ok. Here it is:
Do what you say you will do.
That’s it. If you say you will do it, do it. Kouzes and Posner, in their seminal leadership book The Leadership Challenge, knew the principle was so important they included it as one of only a few “must have’s”. Show up when you say you will. Finish the project you committed to. Be home for dinner when you say you will. Get to your kid’s soccer game when they are looking for you. Send the email you promised. Keep the commitment you made to your goals. Read the pages, take the walk, get the workout in, write the words, make the calls, and run the miles.
It isn’t complicated, but it can be difficult. In fact, I’ve been complimented for my ability to follow through but if I started to add up all the times I let my integrity slip and backed out of something I committed to, the math would quickly become difficult. I’ve missed meetings I said I would be in. I’ve let the phone ring when I promised to pick it up. I have failed to call someone back. I backed out of projects that got too difficult part-way through. I own a guitar I can’t play. The list goes on, but I think you get it.
The best part is that being liked, isn’t a great goal because the best way to get there is often to be someone you aren’t. But if you do what you say you will do; you will be liked for the authenticity and reliability you bring. Both of which are more meaningful than being liked for your car, Instagram page, or money. You’ll also be respected by those around you; a much-preferred level up from being liked.
Don’t believe me? Let’s ask someone with just a bit more notoriety. In a recent podcast hosted by Tim Ferris, Hugh Jackman spoke to the lessons his father taught him. His father did not speak often but his wisdom was obvious. One of the lessons Jackman took away was, “stick to your word even if it doesn’t benefit you.” If you made a commitment to a friend last week but today you get invited to Buckingham Palace to be with the Queen of England, you stick to your friend, he said.
If you make a commitment, stick to it even if it is hard. The person who jumps from opportunity to opportunity with the mindset of, “I gotta get mine” will most often lose in the long run. Be steady. Be reliable. Maintain your integrity.
Do what you say you will do.
A side note on the breadth of this idea for all of us:
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. I’d be amiss if I didn’t acknowledge the birthday of this great nation. The ideals of the United States are unique and incredible. We are fighting every day to bring those ideals to fruition. The country itself is experiencing a moment of, “we have to do what we said we would do.” We said we believed that ALL men are created equal and now we must take the actions to get closer to that. We said we believe in justice and liberty and we need to do what we said. So, happy birthday to the United States of America. Happy birthday to the freedoms it offers us. Happy birthday to its imperfections and spirit of growth. I hope you can celebrate with more than fireworks and barbeque this weekend. Take time to read the Constitution and Declaration of Independence. Reflect on the ideals that founded this great nation. Then go do what you said you would do as a citizen of it.
Weekend Challenge
Let’s take this on in two parts:
- We need to know the problem. Take a few minutes and give yourself an honest assessment of your ability to do what you say you will do. A place to start is to think of a person or a couple of people you used to be close with. Can you reflect on a time you might have failed to follow through that could have contributed to the deterioration of your relationship? I bet you can.
- Change your script. This weekend make a real handwritten note of anything you commit to. Then next Friday, return to that list and check off anything you stuck do and circle anything you didn’t. Those circles represent the hard truth of your lacking integrity and resulting unlikability. You don’t have to be perfect, but I bet, like me, you could get a little bit better.
- Seriously, if you are a citizen of the United States and have not read the founding documents since grade school, go do so right now!