Weekend Challenge #26: Retreat to Return Better

When was the last time you found time to think? Scratch that. When did you last MAKE time to think? Our society will bombard you with distractions that can make you feel productive. Bouncing from project to project. Busy but not productive. More than ever, you need time to retreat to return better.

More than ever, you need time to retreat to return better.

Last weekend was the second annual LIFE Council meeting for my personal council. We are the four who got together one year ago and found the power in even a few days to detach from life and plug into LIFE. From there, others have begun to join us with their own groups, reading the content, and more. But us four remain for our own group.

I’ll do a longer debrief from last weekend soon, but I thought it useful to revisit why we have the LIFE Council meeting in the first place. To attend the meeting, we leave our homes, take a day off work, say goodbye to our partners, and hug kiddos as we walk out. How is a weekend of conversation worth saying goodbye to the things we love most?

I’m currently reading Essentialism by Greg McKeown and his description of a class he facilitates at the Stanford d.school perfectly explains why it’s worth it:

“The sole purpose of the class is to create space for students to design their lives. Each week it gives them a scheduled excuse to think. They are forced to turn off their laptops and smartphones and instead to turn on the full power of their minds. They are given assignments to practice deliberately discerning the essential few from the many good [pursuits and priorities in life]…We can all learn to create more space in our lives.”

The LIFE Council might seem like a “guys weekend” where we use the veil of LIFE to escape our responsibilities. But this isn’t a movie about men in mid-life crisis. We love our lives. And we know occasional detachment with scheduled time to think makes us better. We discern the most important pieces of our lives by talking through conversations focused on the LIFE principles to reground ourselves in love, integrity, fellowship, and excellence. As our brother Matthew put it, “we retreat to return better.”

The LIFE workbook is the equivalent of the assignments d.school students get from McKeown. They force us into intentional examination of how we live. They create space to be vulnerable and put down the walls that men are often great at building around ego and fear. We asked ourselves questions including, “what feedback have you been given this year that was fair?”, “how does your partner know you love them?”, and “where do our fear and ego collide to result in poor reactions?” These questions are ones that a lot of men (and everyone) run from and say things like, “that’s fluffy crap” to avoid. But we have learned that if we don’t avoid hard questions, life will be better.

They force us into an intentional examination of how we live. They create space to be vulnerable and put down the walls that men are often great at building around ego and fear.

As Aristotle (or at least he is credited) said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” The LIFE Council meeting ensures our lives are examined. We are all better for it. Our families are better for it. Our colleagues are better for it. We hope our world is better for it.

If you’re interested in a LIFE Council weekend, I’ll send you the workbook. No charge. No strings. This is a movement I believe in full heartedly and if you’re willing to examine your LIFE alongside others, I’ll support it. Email me ([email protected]).

Weekend Challenge

Examine your life. Make deliberate time to practice what the d.school students do. Even an hour to ask yourself questions is powerful. Find an hour and choose a couple of the questions below to answer for yourself (in writing is best):

• What feedback have you gotten this year that was fair? How did you respond? How should you respond?
• How does your partner know that you love them every day?
• How can you use your fears as fuel for making life better?
• What are opportunities to connect with others you might be missing because of assumptions about yourself or others (ie “they wouldn’t care about that”)?
• What chances for genuine happiness in your life do you trade for false senses of security? How does your fear stop you from enjoying life to the full?

Once you answer one or two, share your reflections with someone close to you. If you don’t have anyone in mind, share them with me. I’ll act as your LIFE Council for now.

Have a great weekend all! Take some time to retreat to return better.