Here we are at home. Staying put in order to help everyone we can. Multiple people in my immediate circle work in the healthcare field and they have very clearly said to stay healthy at all costs. In the Brother’s LIFE Council, we have always believed in a holistic healthy lifestyle. We operate with love in our relationships, maintain our integrity in the easy and difficult times, champion fellowship with others, and pursue physical, mental, and spiritual excellence.
To abide in the LIFE creed during this time of isolation, fear, and change we need to be men who build connection, promote peace, and act with steadfastness. All four men in my council are working remotely right now so we decided to have a LIFE Council lunch the other day. We jumped on Google Hangouts and caught up for an hour. We talked about the current situation and how we’ve worked to abide by the LIFE principles. One thing that continued to show up in all of our experiences was a discussion of control.
As men, I believe that control is something we constantly seek. From the very beginning, Adam sought to control as much as he could. When God came to seek him after Eve had taken the apple from the deceiver, he tried to cover himself and hide. He tried to take control. We’re not much different in 2020. If you’ve struggled to understand the mad rush for toilet paper during a breakout of dangerous respiratory illness, it’s about control. As people try to take care of themselves and family, against a virus they can’t see or fight, they grasp for any kind of control. Having necessities such as toilet paper on hand seems to be a grasp – even if a completely irrational one – at control.
The truth is guys, you don’t have control over many things that happen in this world. We can try as we might to manipulate the circumstances, but control isn’t ours to have in many moments. If you’ve had a close family member pass away, you know the feeling. If you watched someone suffer in a hospital room as doctors tried to save their child, you know what being out of control is. It’s awful but we can’t avoid it. However, two things come to mind as in relation to the Brother’s LIFE Council:
First, you might not have control of every moment in life but you sure as hell have control of how you live your life. Moments of tragedy are out of your control but your preparation for, and response to, those moments are on you. Every day you have choices to make. Will you adhere to ideals of the stoics who didn’t respond to chaos with chaos? Are you willing to do the work to get to know yourself so that you know how you might respond to a tough moment? You could be journaling, reading, and seeking conversation to refine yourself. Does your body know what it takes to push past the point that it wants to quit? You have to be training daily to find your limits and push past them. It will teach you that you can do and put up with more than you thought. You can’t control the moment of chaos but you can control how you prepare and react to it.
Second, sometimes the toughest thing to do is recognize that not having control might be a good thing. In the Bible, Paul writes, “Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about the things we cannot see” (Hebrews 11:1). Faith means that we’re okay not having control of every moment of our lives. If it makes you uncomfortable, think of a time that something unexpected happened to you and turned out for the better. Maybe you lost your job but it pushed you to start your own path and now you love what you do. A moment where you didn’t have control but it turned into an opportunity. When you’re out of control, find your faith and purse excellence anyway.
We’re in unprecedented times. We need leaders who act calmly and clearly. As the news world blows up with negativity, we need men who bring positivity and stability to their families and networks. If you’re someone who has taken control of your life before this, you probably feel fine right now. You’re being smart but you were ready. If you’ve always let the world define you, you might be feeling less confident. Figure it out day-to-day right now but once we are through this, learn from it. Control what you can, but have faith in what you can’t.
Weekend Challenge
There are a lot of challenging things going on right now, so let’s keep it simple. This weekend, take control of small actions that actually make sense (not buying up toilet paper). I’d recommend thinking of the pillars of excellence: spiritual, mental, and physical. For the next two days, take on the following:
- Get physical activity twice a day. It doesn’t have to be a typical workout, just get your body moving. Take your dog for a walk at a good pace, go for a hike, do pushups and pull-ups, whatever. Bonus points if you get outside for at least one session per day and if you add a smile yet powerful nutrition component by drinking a gallon of water each day.
- Read at least 10 pages of a book you can learn from, per day. I’m not a fiction guy and even if you are, I’d encourage you to find a book that pushed your thinking to new places. I’m currently reading Lincoln’s Virtues by William Lee Miller and just finished The Obstacle is the Way from Ryan Holiday (it’s $1.99 for the Kindle book right now). Grab one of those and read.
- Spend 15 minutes each morning with your spiritual disciplines. It could be reading the Bible or other text and spending time in prayer. If that’s not your game, take 15 minutes for meditation and journaling.
P.S. If you like this weekend’s challenge and you want to continue it – which you will because you’ll feel better than ever – see Andy Frisella’s 75 Day Hard program to keep it going for 75 days. Frisella is a self-made badass and he’ll push you to new places for sure.