Last week we took a dive into the world of self-deception. We examined the lies and excuses we use to validate our less than ideal behavior. We defend our feelings, use victimhood as a weapon, and let our success backfire. My challenge was for you to check the mirror, literally. Did you find any of the three lies in your own life? Maybe you found unique ones.
As sad as it is, three areas just didn’t cover the breadth of excuses. This week we’ll take a look at three more common lies. I promise these are the last three and we’ll do something next week to make ourselves feel awesome. Let’s get into it…
- “I don’t know what to do next”
Alright, this is selfish because I caught myself using this excuse about three times a day lately regarding this very work. I’ve been stagnated with the LIFE Council for a few months now. I’ve put out these blogs and that’s about it. I’ve had other ideas like writing an ebook, hosting LIFE lunches, and the like but haven’t acted on a single one. To defend my self-created stuckness, I lied to myself and everyone around me. I told myself that the only reason I wasn’t moving forward was because I didn’t know what to do next.
I’m not there yet, but I’m starting to counter this lie with the truth – that action is almost always better than inaction. If you’re not sure what to do next, do anything. Whether it is the right thing or the wrong one, it will point you to the next move and the momentum builds. Plus, let’s be honest, I think we know what to do next but it’s scary. I’m afraid of writing an eBook no one wants or hosting lunches no one comes to. Shoot I’m even afraid of writing an eBook everyone wants but many criticize.
If you want to win, you must move.
So here it is I guess, if you want to win, you must move. If you don’t know which way to move, just pick a direction, start walking, and keep your eyes open for the next one.
- “They don’t deserve it”
Who “they” are is dependent on your circumstances but the essence of the lie is the same. We love to act like a jerk when we decide someone in our life doesn’t “deserve” our best behavior. When kids act out in the grocery store, we retaliate later by being short and annoyed with them. We stop doing the little things for our partner because they don’t do them for us or they did something that irritated us. They don’t deserve our awesomeness, right?
Instead, you must acknowledge two things about your mindset. One, you’re not really able to decide who deserves much of anything. That would assume you understand the intricate workings of other people’s life and mind. Second, you probably don’t deserve most of the good things that have happened to you anyway. If you are a Christian, you gotta take a HUGE step backward and realize just how little you “deserved” the grace and salvation provided to you. Even if you aren’t, take a look around you and I bet you can discern that you might not “deserve” what you are blessed to have.
Instead of “they don’t deserve it” be humble and remember you are setting a standard for you – no one else. You are the type of person who does things to operate with love, right? What part of that has anything to do with “their” behavior? Zero. None. Nada. Nine. This is about who you are. Stop lying to yourself. They might not deserve it, you don’t really know, and it doesn’t matter.
What part of that has anything to do with “their” behavior? Zero. None. Nada. Nine. This is about who you are.
- “I have to be passionate about ___ to give it effort”
Yup, I’m a millennial. I’m one of those that hopes we get to live with purpose, passion, and drive. Therefore, this is a lie I’ve used myself more than once. For example, I love the LIFE Council and my vision for it but I often struggle with tasks I deem to “not mean anything to anyone.” So when no one reads what I write, or no one reacts on social media, I can lose motivation quickly. I’ve had to learn that it is certainly ideal to be passionate about things but if you only do things you’re passionate about, you won’t get very far.
Reprogram by finding the lessons and the connections in even the work you aren’t excited about. My friend Zach Mercurio points out that every single job ends with a person. That means that no matter the task, there is most likely someone on the other end benefiting from your work. Even the menial, unpassionate work, matters to someone. Also, seek the lessons. I’ve learned a ton of skills I now use daily, through tasks I wasn’t passionate about. Writing is among them. I used to hate it and now, I hope to do it for a living someday. Your passions are cool but give them credit to evolve and change.
That’s it, the hard stuff is over. Well except that now you have to do the work to end these lies. Seeing them for what they really are is the first step to freedom.
Weekend Challenge
Continue the work you did last weekend and take another look in the mirror for these three lies. Consider asking someone close to you if they’ve ever heard you use these. It’s possible that you use them so often that you don’t hear them yourself anymore.
By Monday, I hope you have more knowledge of yourself through this exercise. I hope you can begin to move forward without the weight of excuses and lies.
Be better Monday than you are today.
***Huge shout out to one of my best friends and LIFE Council brothers, Dan Connell (@5280fit) for essentially co-writing this two-part series with me. If you ever read this stuff and wonder where it comes from, know that it is genuine things we deal with every day. We have great lives but we got there through a lot of blessings and a whole lot of hard work. These blogs are for us. They are our thoughts, hopes, and ideas. We just hope they help you too.