A Creed for LIFE: A Call For Intentional Foundations to Combat Loneliness
Loneliness is a state of being not a permanent identity. Last week I outlined the dangers of loneliness among American men. Where I stopped short was in examining how loneliness is changeable. You experience loneliness; you do not have to become it.
Trouble is, loneliness won’t lift on its own. As with all the best things in life, you are going to have to take intentional action to change it. Think of loneliness as a barbell loaded with weight instead of dense fog. You have to take action to lift it, you can’t wait for the sun to do it for you (although getting some sun is a good step if you’re feeling down)
In 2017, I had not quite figured out this secret sauce. I had put my head to the ground – or more accurately, my nose in a book – while I completed my Ph.D. I had friends and a great family, but the isolation of the experience made me incredibly lonely. Being who I am, I got so enveloped in the work that I turned down opportunities to spend time with people and missed out on events in the name of achievement.
When I finally peeked my head out of the graduate school abyss, I found a few friends still on the edges. We had been a group in college but turned into occasional dinner companions. Carey Nieuwhof in his book Didn’t See It Coming pointed out, “by the time you hit thirty…many once-solid friendships have dissolved” and we were feeling it.1 It was time to take action and bring us back together, but I had no idea how to do that. Building friendships all over again at 30? The days of instant alliance on the playground via a shared interest in Pokémon were gone and my adult tool belt didn’t seem to be equipped to handle the job.
I also knew we needed more than just a “guys weekend”. Since leaving college we had transformed into husbands, fathers, leaders, employees, and other adult titles. Our biggest concerns in life weren’t final exams or midterm papers anymore. I had to believe that friendships could be more than they used to be because life had become more complex than it used to be. If we could create a new brand of friendship, we would be stronger together.
One of my friends, Matthew, and I got to work. Soon we had a goal to host an annual meeting for our group and four guiding principles: love, integrity, fellowship, and excellence, inspired by a devotional from Pastor John MacArthur.2 He noted that “righteousness” (Philippians 1:11) is produced in us as we “operate in love, pursue excellence, and maintain our integrity”. No matter your stance on faith, those three components define so much of our lives and I adopted the language. But, I also knew we were missing the call for the group. Was it friendship we needed? Nope, we had that. We needed to be champions of fellowship focused on a shared interest and aim so I added it to the original three. A foundational creed was hence laid on which to build the bricks of LIFE.
The Brothers LIFE Council creed
We operate with love by upholding the courage it takes to put others before ourselves; to be caring partners, healthy colleagues, and community contributors.
We maintain integrity by aligning our beliefs, words, and actions to take ownership of our lives in a society that is increasingly filled with blame.
We champion fellowship by contributing to a generation of men, ourselves included, who know the power of intentional friendship to make us stronger.
We pursue excellence by optimizing our lives relationally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. We do not back down from a challenge and we refuse to bow to fear. Excellence is not a competition, but a mountain we climb together.
This is our creed, “a set of beliefs or aims which guide someone\’s actions.” I first became familiar with the power of creed when I studied the Army’s 75th Ranger Regiment. They have a creed to guide everything they do (and it is impossible to not get pumped up when you read it). Across zip codes, cultural backgrounds, areas of expertise, and family commitments their creed unites them. LIFE does the same for us. It requires all of us to be accountable to and rely on the group for full implementation.
Why it Matters
Almost a year into the Brothers LIFE Council, I have seen that loneliness cannot survive against a force of common creed. Consider organizations known for camaraderie and togetherness. Each branch of the military, firefighters, police officers, and sports teams have some version of a common creed to live by. They hold each other to the creed and support one another when they need it. The creed is the expectation and they rise to it together.
You might be crushed under the weight of loneliness but if you can unite some men in your life around a creed to do LIFE together, you will lift the weight. You will place friendship at the heart of your daily intentions. You’ll feel challenged by a call to be more than average and will have a reason to rise to it.
You’ll feel challenged by a call to be more than average and will have a reason to rise to it.
LIFE is a creed we developed but anyone can share. Don’t like it? Develop your own. But do not wander through life on the whims of your minute to minute wants and likes. Stand firm on something and bring other men alongside you.
Question of the Week
Do you live by an established creed and set of principles? Are there other men in your circle who help to hold you accountable to them? (make both happen, it will change your life)
Your Challenge
Consider what the creed of LIFE would mean for you this week if you put a part of it into action and share it with one other person.
What’s Next
From here on out, this blog will focus on the LIFE principles to more clearly define what each is and how to actualize them. Each week, I’ll focus on one and bring to light examples and ideas that relate. I’ll also challenge you to rise and push past the boundaries of your comfort zone to get there. Love will often focus on our relationships, integrity will give space to discussions of ethics, fellowship ideas for building and maintaining friendships, and excellence will cover physical and mental training for the best life possible.
1 Nieuwhof, C. (2018). Didn’t see it coming: Overcoming the 7 greatest challenges that no one expects and everyone experiences. New York, NY: Waterbrook.
2MacArthur, J. (2002). Drawing near: Daily readings for a deeper faith. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.
Featured image credit to Mabel/Amber3797 via Pixabay